Why I Am the Way I Am REVISED
by Oceanic Others Freak
Summary: AU. One -shot. What happened in Tampa to make Sawyer the way he is? This is my take on what could have happened during the Tampa job. S/OC SawyerJack friendship. R&R. No flames.


**_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original character._**

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**_Title: Why I am the Way I am -- REVISED  
Summary: AU. One -shot. What happened in Tampa to make Sawyer the way he is? This is my take on what could have happened during the Tampa job. S/OC SawyerJack friendship. R&R. No flames.  
_****_Genre: Tragedy/Romance  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Sawyer/OC_**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: So after debating this for a while I went back and deleted the original version of this story today and here is the revised version. Enjoy!_**

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" Hey, Sawyer!"

James 'Sawyer' Ford looked up from his book to see Jack Shepard walking toward him.

" Howdy, Doc," he said mildly. " What can I do you for?"

The doctor held out a bottle of pills.

" And just what the hell am I supposed to do with these?" said Sawyer irritably.

Jack sighed.

" The bullet wound in your shoulder," he said, " it's to keep off infection."

Sawyer's eyebrows shot up.

" Well gee thanks, but I thought I told you -- insurrance ran out."

Jack snorted.

" Whatever. You're welcome."

As he turned to walk away, he heard Sawyer swear audibly. Instinct told him to leave it alone -- but his curiosity got the better of him and he turned around. To his surprise, Sawyer was no longer sitting in the airline chair in front of his shelter. He walked over and poked his head inside the Southerner's shelter. Sawyer was going through his stash, a look of panic on his face.

" Where is it -- Where the hell --"

Jack spotted something shiny in the sand behind Sawyer and picked it up -- it was a ring -- a wedding ring by the look of it. A wallet-sized picture lying nearby caught his attention and he picked that up also. The picture showed a much younger, happier looking Sawyer with his arms around a woman with long light brown hair and bright blue eyes. From the size of her swollen stomach, he guessed she had been about 5 or 6 months pregnant at the time the photo was taken.

" Is this what you were looking for?" he asked, holding the two items out.

Sawyer whirled around, his eyes falling on Jack's hand. He snatched them quickly and pocketed them, a small sigh escaping his lips as he did so.

" Thanks," he muttered, almost innaudibly.

A part of Jack wanted to leave it there -- Sawyer's life was none of his business. However impulse took over and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

" Who is she?" he asked.

Sawyer glared at him.

" What?" he snapped.

Jack sighed.

" The girl in that photo," he said, " and I know that was a wedding ring I found with it. You married, Sawyer?"

Sawyer said nothing for a few minutes. Then,

" I was," he whispered. When he turned to look at Jack, his face wore a familiar mask of pain and anger.

" Was?" said Jack.

" That's what I just said right?" Sawyer sounded a bit impatient. It was clear this was not a subject he was keen on discussing. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair and grabbed a couple beers from his stash. Then he handed one to Jack. " You're not billin' me for this session, are ya? Hell, maybe Libby won't charge as much --"

" What was her name?" asked Jack.

Sawyer smiled a little.

" Laura," he said softly, " Her name was Laura."

_" Oh excuse me, but what makes you so sure it's a boy?"_

_" My motherly intuition," teased Laura as she examined a crib. " We wouldn't even be having this discussion if you had let the doctor tell us the sex."_

_She moved over to the clothing racks and he followed behind reluctantly._

_" Hey I told you, I don't give a damn about the sex as long as it's healthy." he said reasonably._

_She turned and gently laid a hand on his arm, the other clutching a small white t-shirt with blue lettering on it that read 'I'm smart like my mommy' on the front._

_" I know, James," she said quietly. Then she smiled. " Hold my purse for a sec?"_

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" So I gather she was more excited about the baby than you were?"

Sawyer shook his head, his smile a little wider.

" Nah, I'd say the feeling was mutual." he said.

Jack laughed a little at that -- he just couldn't picture Sawyer as being father material. He took a swig from his beer.

" What happened to her?"

Sawyer felt his irritation mounting with each question. Why was the doc so frickin' interested in his personal life? It wasn't like they shared some cosmic conection or anything.

" Why the sudden interest?" he challenged.

Jack shrugged.

" Just curious."

The mask of pain and anger clouded Sawyer's features again as he stared down into the depths of the beer bottle in his hand.

" She's dead," he said finally. " She's been dead for ten years."

Jack didn't know what to say.

" I'm -- I'm sorry, man." he said.

" Wasn't your fault." slurred the Southerner. He was really starting to feel the burn from the alcohol now. Good, that was what he'd been aiming for when he got the beer in the first place.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Sawyer fiddled aimlessly with the ring in his hand.

" It's my fault," he whispered, fighting the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. No matter what, he would _not_ cry in front of Jack.

_" James, what the hell is going on?" demanded Laura._

_" Look, baby I'm sorry but I gotta do this. Hibbs promised me my share would be more than enough to support both you and the kid." he replied._

_Laura leaned over and put a hand on his arm._

_" You promised me," she said quietly. " You promised me I would be the last. What slut have you gone and conned now?"_

_Sawyer sighed and leaned back in the driver's seat. He glanced out the window at the run-down old factory where Hibbs said his share from the con was waiting for him._

_" I didn't pull the same con I did with you and the other women. I promise you that." Sawyer paused. " I won't be gone long. Five, ten minutes tops. Then we'll go and get the hell out of Florida."_

_" James please." she begged. " I --" she took his hand and laid it on her stomach. " -- We -- We can't loose you. I don't trust this. I don't trust Hibbs."_

_He leaned over and kissed her passionately._

_" Be back in a flash, Dimples." he said and got out of the car._

" So what, you killed her? I -- I don't under --"

" I promised her I'd never hurt her, Doc," growled Sawyer, his eyes flashing " Now shut up, you wanted to hear this, so don't interrupt me again."

_" Ah, there you are, Sawbucks." said Hibbs, smiling goodnaturedly at the younger man. " What took you?"_

_" The wife," he muttered. His eyes fell on the briefcase on the floor. " That my share?"_

_" You got it." said Hibbs. " So how is Ms. Raging Hormones?"_

_Sawyer didn't laugh. He just wanted to get the hell out of there._

_" So we good?" he asked gruffly._

_Hibbs nodded._

_" Oh we're more than good. You mind if I come out with ya? Say hi to Laura?"_

_Sawyer glanced suspiciously at him. What in the world was he up to?_

_" Sure," he said, one hand fingering the gun he'd secured in his jeans just in case. " But make it quick."_

_The two men left the warehouse and walked over towards Sawyer's car. Hibbs walked around to Laura's side of the car. Sawyer's hand slipped around the grip of the gun and lifted out of his jeans. He saw Laura cautiously roll down her window._

_" How are ya today, Laura?" asked Hibbs, casually leaning against the car._

_" Fine thanks," said Laura cautiously, " Yourself?"_

_Hibbs glanced at Sawyer, then back at Laura._

_" Dandy." Then before Sawyer could do anything, he pulled Laura out of the car and put his gun to her head._

_Sawyer aimed his gun at Hibbs._

_" What the hell are you doin'?!" he yelled. " Drop it!"_

_" Uh-uh," breathed the older man. " You're the one who's gonna drop his gun, James. And you're gonna let me go with ALL the money."_

_" James," said Laura, " Don't you dare do what he says. Don't you listen to him."_

_" I can't do that," replied Sawyer, his voice cracking. " You'll -- You and the baby. You'll both die."_

_" James please," she was crying now. " just listen to me. I love you. That'll never, never change."_

_" Ten seconds," breathed Hibbs. " You really want the blood of your wife and your unborn child on your hands, Sawyer?"_

_Sawyer flinched. Slowly, he lowered the gun and shoved the briefcase toward Hibbs, who shoved Laura toward him. Laura gaped at him in disbelief._

_" That wasn't so hard, was it?" said Hibbs calmly._

_Sawyer put his arms protectively around his wife and started to usher her into the car when Laura screamed,_

_" NO!"_

_And then she was slumped against him, bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound in her chest._

" She saved your life," said Jack in awe. " What about..."

Sawyer finished the last of his beer and tossed the bottle aside, staring moodily at the ground.

" Dead." he said quietly. " There was nothing they could do."

_" Laura what did you just do?!" shouted Sawyer in anguish as he cradled her in his arms._

_She smiled weakly._

_" Saved your life, you jackass," she murmured._

_He heard the sirens in the distance but didn't care. He held Laura close and gently stroked her hair._

_" Listen to me," whispered Laura, " James...I'm not...I'm not gonna make it. Our baby's dying with me." She took his hand and placed it over her belly. He could feel the baby kicking weakly against his palm. " You need to do something for me," she gasped, tightening her grip on him. " Get rid of that letter. Move on with your life."_

_" You know I can't do that."_

_Her smile became more pronounced._

_" You can," she said confidently. " I love you."_

_" Love you too." he replied, tears spilling down his face._

_And she was gone._

" Doctors did an autopsy at the hospital. Removed the baby from her body." mumbled Sawyer. " She was right. It was a boy."

Jack was silent for a while.

" Sawyer, you need to let go." he said finally.

" What?" Sawyer looked up at him.

Jack set his beer aside.

" Let her, and your baby go." he said firmly, " It's in the past, man. And you're holding on too tight."

" I can't."

" Yeah you can." Jack paused. " I had to do the same. My wife...she left me, and i couldn't let go. I badgered her constantly, 'cause I wanted to know who he was. Why she chose him over me."

" What'd you find out?" asked Sawyer, not even bothering to fake interest.

" Nothing," Jack chuckled. " I only saw himonce, and even that wasn't enough. Eventually, I learned...I just needed to let go. The past is the past, Sawyer. Move on with your life."

He got up and started to leave.

" Jack?" called Sawyer.

" What?"

" Thanks."

" No problem," said Jack, then he left

**fin.**

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**Please review and NO FLAMES!**


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